Trying to figure out what’s going on with your young child when they are not always able to articulate how they are feeling can be frustrating. Our youngest son who was quite bright on the one hand, also had behavior issues that we were not able to get under control. He had almost gotten put out of preschool at one time. I had been researching Giftedness and Autism because I believe that God had led me on this path for answers.
At the age of four, we took him to see a psychologist at the Children’s Mercy hospital in our city. We wanted to make sure that he was “school ready” as he was almost at the age of five and would be ready for kindergarten soon. We were wanting to try to find some answers on why he was behaving the way he was and how to curb some of his behaviors.
The psychiatrist took him through a battery of tests and then an assistant took him to another room to test his school readiness. One thing I had come to realize over time and still true to this day, he loves to go to the doctor’s office or any type of appointment. He enjoys the testing, questions, things to look at, and activities to do. As he was playing with the toys the assistant gave him to play with, we began to talk about his test results and behaviors.
I expressed that I had been researching giftedness and that I felt that this may be what was going on with him. I explained that I believed that he had asynchronous development because his development in certain areas was out of sync. I gave examples of him reading at the age of two before he was talking well and how he had taught himself how to count to 100 in English and Spanish. I also told him how at that point and time, I was teaching him algebraic equations with “X” at the age of four and he clearly understood and could solve the problems. Yet, his behavior and tantrums were at the level of a two year old.
The psychiatrist agreed that he was certainly more advanced than many children his age and that he was quite intelligent. He said that his “school-ready” test showed that he was more than ready for the academic part of school, however, socially and emotionally he was immature. As we were talking, our son kept interrupting and talking to the psychiatrist. He had to be redirected several times. Once, the psychiatrist stopped long enough to give our son his full attention and he pointedly asked him, “What number is this?” as he held up three fingers. Our son looked at him matter-of-factly said, “111!” We all just fell out laughing as the psychiatrist said, “Well, technically you are right!”
Towards the end of our meeting, he suggested that because we responded to the undesirable behaviors that we were rewarding the behavior. He suggested that we ignore the undesirable behaviors and lavish attention on him when he was acting appropriately. He also suggested that we use time-outs for the undesirable behavior. We explained that we were already using time-outs but they didn’t seem to work or curb the behaviors. He refused to stay in time-out. He suggested that we get some of those baby doorknob covers and place it on his side of the door on the inside of the room and not allow him to come out until he has acknowledged his behavior and is ready to act appropriately.
I wasn’t sure that this was a good idea. I knew it would cause him distress if he was unable to get out of his room and that it would cause him to have a severe tantrum. My husband suggested that we just try it and see if it worked. As I feared, initially it caused him great distress and he would tantrum uncontrollably. Honestly, I think I was as distressed as he was; however, it didn’t take long before he just figured out how to pry the two pieces apart and just take it off the door. Needless to say, that strategy turned out to be a dud. Also, trying to ignore the bad behavior when you have a house full of four other kids was also a no-go. It was just too much to try and keep track of how you are going to respond.
As our son reached the age of kindergarten, we were trying to decide if we were going to enroll him in public or private Christian school. I was leaning severely towards private Christian school because I was fearful of him being labeled as a problem child instead of a gifted one. We took him to be evaluated at the early learning center in our school district. They were also impressed with how he was able to read and do algebra equations at such an early age. They also confirmed that he was definitely ready to start kindergarten in the upcoming school year and were excited that he may be attending school there, as was he.
We ultimately decided to send him to private Christian school. Financially, it was a hard decision to make because we had a three-year old at the time who we were still paying daycare for and two sons that did not live with us full-time that my husband was still paying child support for. Yet and still, I believe that God gave me discernment to see that it was not appropriate at that time to send him to public school. Some years later, this was confirmed when we finally did transition him from private Christian school to public school.
So what is discernment? It is insight that God gives us to perceive something that may be obscure to others. The Bible tells us in 1 Corinthians 2:12-14 that we haven’t received the spirit of the world, but rather of God so that we may know the things that are freely given to us by God. And that the natural man does not perceive the things or know the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him because they are spiritually discerned.
Looking at it in the natural, it didn’t make sense to send him to private Christian school when we were already cash-strapped. I mean what’s the worse that could happen to a kindergartener in public school? I believe that God showed me that his spirit could be broken in that environment, and that he would begin to hate school- whereas in a Christian school, his spirit would be nurtured. That is what was needed for that time in his life where he was still developing opinions of the world and the things around him.
I’m so glad that I listened to God and the discernment that he gave me about the situation at that time in our son’s life. I believed that it shaped who he would become and his ideas about school and life. God is all about us being whole and prospering. “Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth,” 3 John 1:2 KJV. Jesus came that we may have abundant life and that doesn’t just begin when we are adults. He expresses love for his children from the time they are in the womb.
Know that God cares about the well-being of your child and wants to give you insight on how to best help them. Won’t you tap into His Spirit today and allow Him to lead your decisions? I guarantee if you trust Him to lead, you won’t regret where He ultimately leads you.
God Bless,
Nikki